The Infamous Little Merperson
by Tammaiya
Summary: The Gundam pilots have just received a mission: To infiltrate- THE LITTLE MERMAID? The boys don’t claim to understand what’s going on; they just go with the flow. Except for Duo, that is. He doesn’t really want to be a mermaid. By Celestina. *yaoi*
1. What about FISHTAIL sex?

Ok! This, my friends, is the work of Celestina. It contains yaoi. Lots and lots of glorious yaoi, shounen ai, boy love, slash, m/m, homosexuality etc! Hooray! Basically?

Title: The Infamous Little Merperson

Author: Celestina

Couples: There are three. But they're SECRET. ^ ^

Summary: The Gundam pilots have just received a mission: To infiltrate- THE LITTLE MERMAID? The boys don't claim to understand what's going on; they just go with the flow. Except for Duo, that is. He doesn't really want to be a mermaid.

Duo stared at Heero in horror. "No way. You have GOT to be kidding me!"

 Heero snorted. He didn't like the new mission any more than Duo did, but he wasn't being so vocal about it, was he? Of course, Heero wasn't really vocal about anything, but the point was that Duo was being excessively annoying over something they couldn't even change.

 Duo crossed his arms. "What is the point of this mission? What does it have to do with anything? Anyway, how do you know that those little pill things are even safe?"

 Wufei rolled his eyes. "Duo, you're a Gundam Pilot. Since when has safety had to do with anything?"

 Duo pouted. "Yeah, well. I don't trust pills, especially not ones designed to send me off into my own worst nightmare." This was not strictly true. Duo's worst nightmare actually involved cream puffs and mousetraps, but anything else just wouldn't have had the right dramatic flair.

 Trowa raised an eyebrow. "This involves all of us, I hope you realise. It's not like you're the only one risking it."

 Duo paced up and down, bristling like an angry cat. "Alright for you to say! You get to be the prince! Whereas I have to be the stupid mermaid. Why do I have to be the chick? Not only that, a chick with a stupid fish tail! Why can't Quatre be the heroine? He's cuter than me!"

 Trowa sighed as Quatre blushed. "Duo, we've been over this before. The parts were already assigned to us; you don't have a choice in the matter. Anyway, you have longer hair than Quatre. You'd probably make the best mer…person."

 Quatre chose then to interrupt. "Besides, Duo, it's not like you actually have to pretend to be a girl."

 Duo narrowed his eyes bitterly. "Yeah, thanks for that. Man, this sucks! I hate seawater. It's gross, and the salt makes my hair go all icky. Plus it'll get all tangled. And I don't even like swimming!"

 Heero cast a longsuffering look up towards the ceiling. Duo had been ranting for at least half an hour, now.

 "Hey, wait. I just thought of something. How do you get laid with a fish tail?"

 There was a long silence, during which everyone studiously looked down at the floor, obviously embarrassed and avoiding Duo's gaze. Duo began to look suspicious.

 "Guys? Why is no one answering? What are you hiding?"

 Nervously, Quatre cleared his throat. "Um. Duo, I don't think you- er- can."

 Duo went pale. "WHAT? You mean, no sex? At all?"

 Quatre laughed uneasily. "Well. Um. I guess you could say that, yes."

 "Not even kinky fish tail sex?"

 Everyone blanched at this. Wufei cursed as his nose began to bleed, Quatre blushed a very impressive scarlet and even Heero started choking. Finally, he managed to catch his breath long enough to give the reply on everyone's mind. "EXCUSE me?"

 Duo shrugged. "Well, not that I want kinky fish tail sex. I was just curious. So?"

 Trowa shook his head. "No, Duo. No kinky fish tail sex."

 Duo threw his hands up in defeat. "This just keeps getting better, doesn't it? Not only do I have to play the female lead, not only do I have to forfeit my legs for a stupid looking fish tail, but I can't even get laid. Just perfect. It's such a waste of my beautiful body!"

 Heero rolled his eyes. "Duo, you don't normally do things like that on missions anyway. Besides, whoever said your body was beautiful? When you've stopped being vain, egotistical and moronic, could we please get on with it?"

 Duo sniffed, pride wounded. Not that he was going to admit it, but it kind of hurt to have Heero insult him. The Japanese pilot usually just disdained to answer, which was a lot less damaging to his tenuous self-esteem.

 "Fine."

The infamous mer-uh, person- by the name of Duo swam listlessly through the beautiful streets of the Mer Kingdom, beautiful hair trailing behind him. He still didn't know how those annoying pill-things worked, but whatever they did, they apparently did it quickly. When the others had finally persuaded Duo to get on with it, he had had another bout of suspicion in relation to the little pink pills. Completely fed up by this point, Heero felt no need to waste time being nice. He'd literally shoved a pill down Duo's throat, and it had started taking effect immediately. Duo was going to get Heero for that.

 Duo had also come to the conclusion he really hated swimming, not to mention with fish tails. He didn't know exactly how he managed to speak underwater, considering it should have been physically impossible, but he was putting the ability to good use, stringing off as many profanities in as many different languages as he could remember. Oh yes. Heero was going to pay, never mind that it wasn't strictly his fault, as such.

 As the youngest son of the Mer King, Prince Duo had earned the degrading name 'the Little Merperson'. He considered darkly that that was yet another thing he was going to get revenge on Heero for. Quatre was way shorter than him! Well- a little shorter, anyway.

 Duo had also been given the reputation as the loudest and most irritating of the merfolk. It had been decided that he almost never shut up. Currently, he also retained the worst disposition of all, although this wasn't usually the case. Usually, he was unnaturally cheerful, which was just as bad. Just less destructive, that was all.

 Out of all his siblings, Duo was the only one with an unholy fascination with the human world. And more to the point, he was the only one with an obsession over ditching the tail, as he so worded it. Whenever reminded of its existence, which was quite often, he gave whoever was in the vicinity a glare to rival anyone's but Heero's. Nothing could be quite so threatening as the patented Yuy-deathglare, but Duo was coming close recently. Should he have encountered Heero at any time during one of his moods, there was no question that Duo would have killed him on sight.

 Duo growled in frustration. Stupid good-for-nothing tail. He couldn't even storm up and down in a righteous rage properly! As for kicking stuff? Hah, forget that!

 Despondently, Duo flopped onto a coral bed. Or at least, he tried to. It was a little difficult when the lack of gravity in the water was taken into consideration. That was another thing someone was going pay for. Someone was really racking up an enormous debt. Unsurprisingly, that someone was Heero.

 Duo was attempting to sulk, but it was a bit hard considering he kept floating slightly above the sea floor. Really, being a merperson was the pits!

 Duo was going into a particularly spectacular bout of self-pity when his thoughts were rudely interrupted. However, it soon turned out to be worth it. The stormy expression brightened considerably at the sight of someone else to torment with his constant torrents of chatter. Even better, they were suffering too.

 "Yo, Wu-man, how's it hanging?" Duo called happily. His notorious mood swings were almost legendary among the merfolk, by now.

 Wufei scowled. "Maxwell, how many times have I told you to stop calling me that? Anyway, what do you think? I look ridiculous!"

 Duo stifled a snigger, as he at least agreed with that particular observation. He began to get mad again when he remembered he looked pretty much the same, but then he calmed down. After all, misery loves company. It was always preferable to have someone around to share his grievances. Besides, he probably looked much better with a fishtail than Wufei did.

 "Now do you understand why I was complaining so much? I was right, by the way. This completely sucks. Zechs keeps picking on me. He seems really annoyed about something or other. God knows how he ended up as my brother. Come to think of it, what is he even doing here?"

 Wufei shook his head and held up a hand in an attempt to slow the never-ending prattle. "Wait, wait. Did you say that Zechs is here?"

 Duo shrugged, and tried to untangle his hands from his hair with a disgusted expression. He knew the salt water would be bad for it! "Yeah. And he's royally pissed about something, too. Been taking it out on me."

 "Did you do anything to provoke him?"

 Duo paused to think about the question. "Well- sort of. I mean, I kept bugging him about the world above the sea until he finally snapped and went berserk. I think it was entirely unreasonable. I mean, maybe he was right about one or two things. Like when he yelled- what was it? Oh yeah. 'Maxwell, do you ever shut up? Why must you incessantly ask about humans? You know just as much as me! You were one, for Christ's sake!' Or something like that. He didn't have to be so rude, though. He was being unusually short-tempered, considering how patient he is most of the time. You know what I think? I reckon he's just cut cause Treize is our dad, if you know what I mean." Duo accompanied this with a conspiratorial wink.

 Wufei's eyes widened almost imperceptibly. "What? Did you say Treize?" he hissed, grabbing Duo by the shoulders. Duo grinned.

 "Yep. Get this, he's the Mer king! All hail mighty King Treize, whose mercy hath no bounds!" Duo intoned in a mock serious tone. "Hah! That's a laugh. So-" He was cut of by Wufei's loud and angry rant relating to the unfortunate presence of his arch-nemesis. Even Duo was impressed by the velocity and sheer range of the swear words spewing from Wufei's mouth, and that was saying something.

 When Wufei had finally stopped expounding on the finer and more unsavoury points of Treize's appearance, personality, parentage and the situation as a whole, there was a short silence. Duo was struck speechless by the uncharacteristic display. /Man, Wufei must really hate Treize! He's damn good at cursing, too. Maybe I should take notes the next time he goes into a fit of rage?/

 Having once more regained the ability for rational thought, Wufei took a deep breath and apologised profusely for his outburst. Duo waved his hand imperiously. "Nah, think nothing of it. Good for you to stop being so righteous and justice-crazed once in a while."

 Wufei growled at this, but eventually decided it wasn't worth the trouble of thinking up a suitable retort. Petty things such as insults were beneath him. At least, that's what he told himself. So instead, he trailed in Duo's exuberant wake, muttering darkly to himself. Oddly enough, he felt ever so vaguely sympathetic towards Zechs. He was brought from his thoughts, however, by a rare lull in the conversation that was probably indicative of the fact that Duo was waiting for him to respond in some manner.

 Wufei blinked. "Pardon?"

 Duo huffed exasperatedly. "Don't bother, I know you weren't listening. In case you're wondering, I was considering having a little- fun." The wicked gleam in his eyes said it all, really.

 Wufei stared at him in despair, knowing that it would take more than him to stop the crazy teenager. "Duo! No matter how stupid it is, this is still a mission! Besides," he continued suspiciously, "what were you planning anyway?"

 Duo grinned enthusiastically. "Oh, just wait! It's my best plan to date! See, basically, we sneak into Zechs' room and steal his mask. I tell you, he's obsessed with the thing! Anyway, then we go and hide it in Treize's room. Zechs would go into a blind fit of panic, and after he found it, King Treize would so be in for it! And thus would all chaos ensue," Duo finished gleefully.

 Wufei stopped swimming abruptly. "No. Absolutely no way in HELL, Maxwell!"

 Duo glowered at the Chinese pilot evilly. "Why not? It'd spread dissension amongst the ranks of Oz, which, may I remind you, is what we're supposed to do? It'd at least give some point to this dumb mission, if only to get on Zechs' and Treize's nerves a bit. And besides, Zechs deserves it!"

 Wufei clenched his teeth. "Somehow, I doubt that. If you're being half as annoying now as you were then, I'd say his behaviour towards you was completely justified. Stick to the plot, Duo."

 Duo glared at Wufei balefully. "You do know we're doing to original version, right? Not the Disney one? Because there is not meant to be an anally retentive fluorescent red crab in this story. Especially not one following me around and being a pain in the neck."

 Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Maxwell, do I look like a crab to you? I've got a fishtail exactly like yours!"

 Duo shrugged. "Point taken. You're still being anally retentive, though."

 "You can't be anally retentive if you don't have an anus," Wufei muttered sourly.

 Duo winced. "Could you stop reminding me of the fact?"

"I will when you stop being so obnoxious," Wufei shot back acidly.

 "Yeah, well. Being obnoxious is what I do," Duo responded enthusiastically. "If we're not going to steal Zechs's mask, then what are we going to do?"

 "Absolutely nothing," Wufei stated flatly.

 "Aw, Wu-man, you're seriously boring sometimes, know that?" Duo whined.

 Wufei smirked. "Good. And many times do I have to tell you not to call me that preposterous name before it sinks into your thick skull?"

 Duo grinned. "Oh, for all eternity, I should imagine. No guarantees, though. Anyway, if you're going to be so thoroughly dull then I'll do as Zechs so rudely suggested and rack off to the surface. Seeya!"

 Wufei breathed a sigh of relief. "Thankyou. Peace."

 "I wouldn't get too comfortable, if I were you. I think mighty 'King' Treize has been enquiring as to your whereabouts. What'd you do to get the leader of Oz so interested in you, huh? Anyway, he might send the guard after you, so watch your back. Bye!" With that, Duo waved cheerfully and shot up towards the surface, knowing full-well how upset Wufei was likely to be over the prospect of Treize stalking him using his resources as King. What made it even more amusing was the fact that Duo hadn't made it up; it was actually true.

 Duo didn't entirely miss the expression of pure malice gracing the Chinese pilot's features as he left. The murderous glint in Wufei's eyes wasn't lost on him, either. Treize was really going to have his work cut out for him this time!

After ten minutes of fruitless attempts to get on top of one of the rocks jutting out of the sea, Duo was just about ready to stop trying and swim back below. Getting slammed into a hard, rocky surface repeatedly by the waves was painful, and just because he had endured a lot of pain before didn't mean he enjoyed it. The only reason he hadn't given up in disgust yet was that he really wanted to comb his hair, and that was impossible to do when said hair was floating above his head.

 Eventually, however, Duo triumphed, finally managing to pull himself up onto the cold slippery stone and balance precariously while brushing his extremely long, wet, and tangled hair. It was excruciatingly uncomfortable, of course, and he was freezing, but it was better than nothing. Having almost fallen back into the water from his hard-won position during an encounter with a particularly nasty knot, Duo once more began fervently wishing he could go back to being human with all the warmth and dryness it generally entailed. He was not at all impressed with the effect the salt-water had had on his hair, either.

 Vaguely, Duo began to wonder what the others were up too and whether they were feeling as miserable as him. He hoped Heero was. His mental death threats had become somewhat half-hearted and lacklustre by this point, however, as he had come to the realisation that should he attempt to massacre the Perfect Soldier, it would be he himself who would die. Besides, he was grudgingly forced to admit that there was indeed a possibility that it wasn't ALL Heero's fault, after all. Just a possibility.

Duo sighed, and temporarily forgetting his location, rolled over to stare at the clouds. The result was that this time, he really did fall unceremoniously into the sea with a large splash. He soon surfaced again, spluttering indignantly while he tried to remove the hair from his eyes and mouth as delicately as possible. He may have had an emotional attachment to his hair, but even he had to concede that there WERE sometimes drawbacks to it being so long. He'd have to leave it as it was for now.

Hearing a curiously loud noise that sounded almost party-like, Duo decided to check it out. Seeing a large ship, he began cheering, but stopped when a particularly big wave dumped on his head. He came up choking, which brought him to his somewhat dubious senses; the ship couldn't rescue him, and it was doubtful that he'd be invited to the party. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't spy on it for his own personal and slightly twisted amusement, did it?

 Quatre bit his lip and shrank back into the shadows, praying to Allah that no one would notice him. He was used to social settings, of course, but this one was- different. It was louder and rowdier, for one thing. Then there was the fact that he didn't even know anyone at the party. Well, except for Trowa, but right now he wanted to meet Trowa even less than he did the strangers surrounding him. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with his fellow pilot in such an insecure mood. He may have appeared frail, but he was used to being both mentally and emotionally strong. Currently, this didn't really seem the case.

 It wasn't that Quatre didn't like Trowa- he had actually realised a while ago that he had a crush on his mysterious best friend. It wasn't the most convenient thing that could have happened, sure, but Quatre knew that there was nothing he could do about it. He understood things like this more than most people did, and so had just learnt to deal with it. Sometimes, though, it was hard. Now, when he felt like running over and sobbing in Trowa's arms like a child, was one of those times.

 Miserably, Quatre turned to stare listlessly out at the churning sea. There appeared to be a building storm. Just wonderful, now he could add sea-sickness to his list of growing complaints.

 Looking at the sea made Quatre think of the rest of his friends. Briefly, he wondered if they were alright, but dismissed the thought. It would stuff up the story if anything happened to them this early. At least, he hoped so. This logic didn't really prevent him from worrying, but it was better than nothing. He knew even if something did go wrong he couldn't really help, and this too improved the situation slightly in a weird sort of way. At least he knew Trowa was safe, for now, at any rate.

 Wearily, Quatre pressed his forehead up against the cool glass. He knew what was going to happen, of course. They were all familiar with the story. The question in this case is when it would take place. Reading a faerie tale was one thing; living it was another thing entirely.

 Quatre fought back the irrational surge of jealousy he felt when thinking of how Duo would be the one to rescue Trowa from drowning. It was completely and utterly stupid. Duo hardly felt that way about Trowa, did he? Then again, the plot did call for it. Who knew how this would twist their emotions? Whichever way, the prince wasn't even meant to end up with the little mermaid in the original. He was supposed to end up with some otherwise irrelevant girl, instead.

 In Quatre's eyes, that was even worse. Maybe he could deal with it if Trowa ended up with Duo, but not with a total stranger! Or worse- what if the girl was Relena? Or Lady Une, or Noin, or Dorothy, or- anyway, the list of what-ifs was endless, and it wasn't achieving anything aside from making his blood boil. He didn't often get angry, but when he did, it was rather scary. Just ask Trowa.

 Quatre didn't even know what his role in the story actually was. For all he knew, he was completely redundant. Maybe his whole purpose in the story was to die, but that wasn't really a very pleasant thought. Alternatively, maybe they couldn't find a spare part so they assigned him a random character so he wouldn't feel left out. If so, then they shouldn't have bothered. He would have preferred to stay at home, and fully intended to inform the crazy scientists of the fact later. Then again, maybe it wasn't all that strange that he didn't know. Duo and Trowa were the only ones who did know what they were beforehand.

 Quatre turned back to the party and plastered his usual sweet smile on his face, determined to join in but avoid Trowa if at all humanly possible. After all, if he was stuck here, he may as well have some fun. Only, the avoiding Trowa bit might be slightly hard. Considering that it was his birthday party and everything.

 Trowa made his excuses as politely as possible to the obsequious aristocrat who was overflowing with pre-fabricated well-wishes and slipped through the crowd quietly, praying that no one else would recognise him. Being the prince had so far consisted of nothing aside from excessive boredom. Trowa was expected to socialise with an objectionable group of people he didn't even know. When taken into account that Trowa didn't usually like socialising all that much at the best of times anyway, it all combined to make a largely unpleasant situation. One in which he was stuck.

 Duo might not have objected so strongly to being the heroine, had he known how thoroughly dull the male lead was to do. Then again, Duo might have enjoyed it. He would have most likely got extremely drunk and wrecked havoc, though, so it was probably just as well he wasn't near any alcohol. At least, Trowa really hoped he wasn't.

 Thinking about Duo led Trowa to wonder where Quatre was. Nothing would have happened to him, would it? It was frustrating, not knowing what Quatre was doing or who he was meant to be. Anything could happen to him! The worst thing was, Trowa couldn't even think of which Quatre was likely to be. If it was the Disney version, he'd be Flounder, probably. Because he was so cute and little and… Yes, well. For that matter, Wufei would definitely be Sebastion. Trowa had to smile at that mental image. Duo would still be the Little Mermaid, but Trowa had no intention of informing him of this. He wasn't THAT suicidal. There was no place for him or Heero, come to think of it. Disney characters were either exceedingly happy or they were evil.

 All of this speculation was pointless, however, and it was getting Trowa nowhere quickly. He had no idea which character Quatre was, and guessing would only serve to confuse him further. The only thing left to do was dodge the false congratulations of the strangers surrounding him and wait for the storm to begin. There was something singularly depressing in waiting for you own near-death, but at least it wouldn't actually kill him.

Next up: The suffering of Wufei! Where we see all his little antics as he tries to avoid 'King' Treize. ^ ^


	2. Fishtails Suck

Here we are, the second part! It's shorter than the first, namely because I update sporadically and when I sit down to write, I do it in whole scenes. So I figured it would best to put this up NOW, not 5 months later when I've finished 10 more scenes or whatever. This is, as promised, the suffering of Wufei. 

But first! Must not forget my two reviewers. ^ ^

Micro-chick: Heh. You got me. Quatre/Trowa was made obvious last part, and this part? I think everyone here is smart enough to work out that there's going to be Wufei/Treize. But there's still one more pairing you haven't guessed yet!

Quatregael: Why? Well, not even THEY know that. They just do as they're told, like good little Gundam pilots. However, the reason will become apparent eventually. I'll give you a hint: it involves sadistic doctors making bargains behind other people's backs.

Now, onwards!

Wufei ducked behind a wall and sank down to lie on the sand, freezing as he heard someone swimming past. Since Duo's inconsiderate departure several hours earlier, he had been without rest. He hadn't believed the statement about the guards at first, but several unfortunate encounters later he reluctantly had to concede that Treize was indeed hunting him down like a wild animal. It wasn't a pleasant concept, to say the least.

 Every time Wufei was spotted by one of Treize's minions, his only choices aside from staying out of sight were to flee or fight. He really hated having to hide, but running away was surprisingly difficult and killing merfolk didn't really achieve anything. Trieze seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of minions willing to do his bidding, and would keep sending them after Wufei in a constant stream. They were unstoppable, and a trail of destruction would only serve to make him more conspicuous.

 Wufei was running out of hiding places, however, and it wasn't too long before he'd have nowhere else to run. Worst of all, he knew it. Treize was going to catch him completely defenceless- no Gundam, no sword, no backup, and with the lack of gravity, even resorting to punching and kicking wasn't looking like an option. He suppressed a shudder. This wasn't going to be pretty. Who knew what Treize might do to him?

 Wufei checked that the coast was clear before bolting towards the next building, but his luck had run out. The guards had finally caught up, and it didn't take much time until he was well and truly captured. In retrospect, swimming near the palace probably hadn't been such a good idea after all. There was less distance for him to execute his escape in, for one thing. Not that it would have done Wufei much good either way; even if he had been given twice as long before being brought in front of Treize, it probably wouldn't have helped all that much. It just wasn't the same being dragged kicking and screaming when one couldn't kick properly, or indeed, be dragged correctly. It was more like being yanked unevenly through the water. Wufei was just glad he could still scream. By all rights, it technically should have come up as a strangled gurgle, but a suspension of all the laws of nature was perfectly fine with him. This was still a faerie tale.

 Seeing the smug smirk adorning Treize's face, Wufei snarled. He began struggling twice as hard, never mind the fact he was only creating bruises on his arms as opposed to weakening the hold the mermen had on him. Treize merely continued to look mildly amused.

 "Why, my young dragon, were you so objectionable to visiting the palace? One would think you didn't like me!"

 Wufei spat at the so-called King's feet, or at least tried to. His efforts were hampered by the fact that you can't really spit when surrounded by water, but the gesture was there.

 "You," Wufei hissed, eyes flashing with pure hatred, "are completely devoid of any sense of honour. I'm sorry for assuming you were worthy to be my enemy; I was obviously mistaken."

 Treize raised a delicately forked eyebrow. "Ouch."

 "Furthermore," Wufei went on, "my name is _not _dragon. Nor is it Wu-man, Wuffers, Wuffie or any other abominable deviation! You and everyone else will in future refer to me only as Chang Wufei and nothing else!"

 Treize blinked. "Wu-man? Who on earth calls you-"

 Wufei's eyes glinted menacingly. "Watch it."

 Treize changed his statement hurriedly. "My apologies, Chang Wufei. I meant no insult by calling you dragon. They are noble creatures, and I was implying that you also-"

 "Another thing! I am not yours, so don't say I am! Oh, and as for calling me Chang Wufei? I've changed my mind. If you use my name, you'll just dirty it, so I'd prefer you just not to talk to me at all."

 Treize, for once, found himself speechless. Wufei's outraged speech had left him rather bewildered, so he could only stare at the merboy before him. The guards had let go out of pure shock by now, so that wasn't an obstacle. Wufei would have stormed off around about then, but it was made a bit hard by the fact that you can't really storm off with a fishtail instead of legs. Duo was right- being a merperson _did _suck.

 As Treize motioned for the guards to lock Wufei up in one of the palace rooms, Wufei reflected miserably that at least his dignity was still intact. The room was surprisingly comfortable, too. Weird.

Yay, Wufei is captur-ed. Next time: a really, really smug Treize. He thinks he's damn fine. Wufei doesn't really agree.


	3. It's either stupidity or a death wish

Well, here we go. The next part has arrived! I was inspired on the weekend. That, and one of my friends was threatening me with knives. O_o; So, whichever way, as promised: I give you Treize. Reviewers first, though.

Anonymous! (well, there was no name… *sweatdrop*) : Yay, you love my story! As for the other couple? Ah, they're my favourite. They will come. SOON.

SilverWingedDragon: Oh, Heero will come. He'll come soon. Very soon. And Duo don't get Trowa, oh no.

QuatreGael: Yep, I got the first review. ^ ^ As for Disney? Well, I guess it isn't EXACTLY Disney, but it sorta is. The Aladdin one will be, though. *sniggers at the thought of someone dressed as Abu*

Tsuzuku no Tenshi: *smiles sweetly* Heero will come. Oh, he'll come. But for now, suffer through the Treize! SUFFER! *cackles madly* Er… Please stop sharpening your knives. It tain't even Friday!

Treize smirked as he sat on his throne, an air of supreme smugness about him. Finally he had captured his fierce young dragon! Of course, there were still some slight issues that had to be dealt with. Like the fact that Chang Wufei was probably plotting either his escape or Treize's assassination at that precise point in time. Possibly even both- Wufei was pretty talented, after all.

 The thing was, the dragon may have been caged, but he wasn't broken. Treize considered this to be a good thing- Wufei's spirit was his best feature, right before his oriental good looks. Treize reflected that if his thoughts were to be heard by the pilot in question, he could start writing his obituary. How about, 'He liked roses and had a fetish for honour crazed Chinese boys with the desire to kill him. The latter brought about his death.' It had a certain ring to it, did it not?

 Having met the pilot of Gundam 01, Treize had long been of the opinion that there was no one on that planet that could rival the Yuy death-glare. He had only recently been proved wrong, a feat which he had hither-to believed impossible. When it came to the hatred of Treize, Wufei's glare of doom was far more menacing than even Heero's stare could ever manage. Treize was probably going to have to work on that.

 Meanwhile, Milliardo was giving him the _look. _You know, the look. The one that says, 'You have seriously got on my bad side. Fear for your life.' Treize wasn't exactly certain what he had done to cause such a look, but felt that there must have been something somewhere that went completely and utterly wrong because of him. It was the only explanation- that look could only be earned by severe wrongdoing.

 Either way, Treize had no choice but to concede that he was indeed in some measure of danger. He had Zechs on one side, and Wufei on the other, both seemingly with the intent to kill. However did he manage to get himself into this mess? It was a mystery to him. He wasn't quite sure what to do about it. If he were to talk to Wufei, Wufei might kill him. Or at least severely maim him. If he were to talk to Milli, the same thing would happen. It looked like whatever he did, his beautiful looks were going to be scarred. Oh, what a pity.

 Seeing as Zechs was there, though, and less likely to want to hurt him- Treize stopped there. It was best not to assume such things- it could cost his life. Milliardo was to be approached with equal caution to Wufei, or Bad Things would happen. Still, it was only logical to sort things out with Zechs first. Besides, it might result in an ally when the time came to tackle the problem of Wufei. That, or he would die and not have to deal with the problem of Wufei at all

 Swimming forward slowly, Treize approached the fuming Merprince. His earlier estimation appeared to be right. Zechs was to be treated warily, like a predatory and dangerous beast.

 "Why, Milliardo, it seems that you are a tad upset over something. Whatever is the matter?" Note that Treize stayed about two meters back whilst initiating the conversation.

 It was just as well, because Zechs was not in the mood for niceties. His icy glower pinned Treize to the spot like a butterfly on display.

 "You." This one word was spoken in cold, clipped tones of sheer rage. Oh dear.

 Treize had been expecting a response upon those lines, but to have it put so plainly and wrathfully was somewhat disturbing. Why was it that he had managed to make the two most gorgeous looking males in the kingdom entertain the desire to destroy him? It made no sense.

 Taking advantage of Treize's confusion, Zechs stalked out of the room. Well, he would have stalked, but that was rendered physically impossible due to his distinct lack of legs, so he swam viciously instead. Treize stayed where he was, blinking in a bewildered fashion. Now he really, really wanted to know why these things had to happen to him.

 It would have been tantamount to suicide to attempt to follow Zechs, obviously. Seeing how all his limbs were still intact and he'd ideally like to keep it that way, there was no way that Treize was going to make that mistake again. However, were he truly possessed of common sense, he would call it quits for the day. What he actually did was decide to visit Wufei. Either Treize had a death wish, or he needed his head checked.

 Making his way into Wufei's so-called "prison cell", Treize shut the door behind him. Who knew why the wood hadn't rotted yet? It was a faerie tale. These things were not meant to be questioned.

 On his way, Treize had picked up a rose from one of the many vases littered around the palace. That was quite possibly one of his crowning moments of sheer stupidity, surpassed only by visiting Wufei at all. As soon as Wufei saw him, he gave Treize the _look. _Treize was at a loss to explain how he could be on the receiving end of two such looks within such short space of time.

 As a sad and misguided attempt at peacemaking, Treize proffered the rose to his captive. Said captive was not impressed. Wufei actually entertained the idea of eating the rose to demonstrate his displeasure in more a more visual display, but decided against it. Roses tasted bad, and he wasn't planning on suffering through that awful flavour even to spite Treize. It was just too bad that he couldn't stomp on it.

 Having received the ill-fated flower from his arch-nemesis, Wufei kept his eyes steadily on Treize's while slowly tearing each petal from the stalk until it was bare. Treize winced. So much for a peace offering.

 Having made his lack of regard fully known, Wufei retreated to the other end of the room in a spectacular example of pure childishness. He felt no need to be nearer to Treize than he had to be. He had no intention of speaking unnecessarily, either.

 Treize, figuring that the sensible option would be to stay right where he was, hovered uncertainly in the doorway. Wufei continued giving him the _look._

 When Treize opened his mouth to begin some sort of mediation, Wufei cut him off at the pass. "Don't bother, I told you not to speak to me. Don't you _dare _'dragon' me, either! We've been through this- you will not address me in any way, nor will you go near me if there is no need for it. Which there isn't, trust me." Wufei's voice dripped with venom and contempt. Treize was going to reply, but wisely refrained. "Now, out!"

 Somewhat deflated, Treize made his way back to the throne room. It wasn't fair- all the good-looking ones were either straight or hated him.

Don't worry, Heero will come soon. *laughs evilly* Ahem, yes. Well. So much for smug, kind of ended up as abused. I almost feel sorry for him. ^ ^;

Next time: Zechs sulks!

And review! Review! I like reviews. *happy dance*


	4. INJUSTICE!

Zechs sulks. I kind of pity the minions. I mean, it'd be a crap job. Anyway, I actually wrote this out a few days ago, but it was on paper and I was too lazy to type it up for a while. ^ ^; Heh. I've been threatened with knives again. Third time between two people. O_o;

Ash of Many Names: I'm glad you approve. ^ ^ You can stop bring out sharp weapons now, the next bit is written. Course, you've already read part. Heh. Whatever, knock yourself out. *pities Jackson*

Chibi-kid: Yeppers, tis indeed supposed to be funny. I'm glad you were amused.

Diane: Wow, thanks for all your reviews! They were all wonderful and long. As for the others? Duo will get his revenge purely by being Heero. I hope you like this part as much as the others. ^ ^

Tsuzuku no Tenshi: *winces* Well, he didn't ACTUALLY eat the rose. And Quatre will come back soonish. As for Treize bashing? I'll never get why you and your sis don't like him. He's funky. In a suitably entertaining way. So what if he has a gundam pilot fetish? Heero probably won't come for another… *thinks about it* Ooh, probably four parts. So you'll have to wait, sorry! *whimpers as knives are sharpened*

Without further ado, I give you Zechs!

If there was one thing Zechs was right now, happy was not it. Oh, no. In fact, he was in a barely concealed rage, to be completely truthful.

 Milliardo did not get angry all that often, but when he did? It was scary. Really, truly, scary. Zechs was not in the mood to go skipping around in the sunshine, and he wanted to make sure that everyone knew it. Thus, he was storming around the palace, scattering poor little minions whose whole existence was for the purpose of being there to scatter. It wasn't like there were any better parts for them.

 Having struck fear into the hearts of approximately half the populace, Zechs was now sulking in his room. As children, it was mostly Relena who tended to chuck tantrums, but Milli reserved his rights to having a good hissy fit every once in a while. When he did, he did it very well. Almost too well, one might say.

 So whichever way, Zechs was currently maintaining a not-so-dignified silence while he seethed in his room. He had long since shattered all the breakable and non-valuable items in the vicinity, so he was left feeling wrathful and itching to destroy something else.

 If just wasn't fair. Why did stupid Trieze have to be so stupid? He was so irritatingly oblivious that it was just not funny anymore. Not to mention the fact that he had to go developing a crush on a goddamn Gundam pilot. GAH!

 It was obvious to all but Treize that Zechs was suffering from a bout of extreme jealousy. Okay, so maybe Wufei was cute. Maybe he had an adorable justice complex. Maybe he- damn. This wasn't getting him anywhere he wanted to go. Now he was jealous twice over!

 Milliardo consoled himself with the reflection that at least his hair was longer and prettier that Wufei's. Who cared if it looked slightly feminine? By now, his hair had out-grown pretty much everyone's, including Relena. Only Dorothy and Duo Maxwell could beat him in that respect. Ah, he knew there was a reason for the grudging respect and rivalry he felt towards the braided loud mouth.

 However, all this hair-worship came to nothing when Zechs recalled that Treize didn't seem to notice. Zechs could flaunt his gorgeous white gold locks all he wanted, but Treize would probably never pay it or him the attention that either deserved. It was tough, being in love with an oblivious twit.

 Milli felt utterly miserable and was working himself up to all new levels of melancholy. No matter what he did, it seemed that Treize would never notice him. Not the way he'd like, at any rate. And he'd had such high hopes, too! Sigh.

 There was nothing for it but to go harass Wufei. When in times of doubt, bitchiness is the one true road. Besides, it'd give him a great opportunity to cultivate that whole double jealousy thing. Zechs paused. Wait, that wasn't part of the plan! Scratch that!

 So terrorising more poor, innocent little underlings, Zechs made his way down to Wufei's room. My, wasn't pilot 05 such a popular little boy today?

 Hurling the door open, Milliardo slammed it shut and flopped moodily onto the floor with Wufei's eyes tracking him hostilely. Good Gods, did he feel pathetic.

 "What do you want?" Wufei finally ventured suspiciously. Zechs merely shrugged, and Wufei rolled his eyes. This was by far the most idiotic capture he'd had the misfortune to endure, but at least it wasn't all that unpleasant. The furnishing were tasteful, you could give it that.

 "Duo sends his regards," Wufei added, more for something to say than anything else. Zechs raised an eyebrow. "Well, more like his mockery and taunts, really," Wufei continued. Zechs snorted. Figured.

 After a few more minutes of awkward and pointless silence, Wufei found that his patience was severely limited. "Merquis, is there a _reason _that you are lurking in my cell? Because this doesn't seem to me to be an overly social call."

 Zechs shrugged again, and Wufei blinked. Was it just him, or was Milliardo Peacecraft… pouting? This kept getting weirder and weirder.

 Wufei had never considered himself qualified for the role of a counsellor, but these situations only presented you with a limited number of options.

 "Alright. I probably don't want to know, but why is a seasoned warrior prince like yourself moping around on the my floor and generally behaving like a bratty five-year-old?" Even as he asked, Wufei wondered if he was making a mistake.

 Milliardo's expression grew even more sullen. "Treize."

 Astonished, Wufei started sniggering and couldn't stop. Zechs scowled.

 "If you don't cease your laughter, I _will _kill you."

 Wufei clapped a hand over his mouth in an attempt to stifle his amusement, trying to collect his composure. "It's not like I'm mocking _you, _as such." Wufei considered his last statement and amended it. "Well, not much. It's just amusing that your anger is directed at Khushrenada. Now that I think about it, he did look rather bewildered earlier. I almost feel sorry for him. _Almost, _that is."

 Zechs disdained to answer, instead grabbing one of Wufei's pillows and burying his face in it. Wufei floated next to him and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. He never knew what to do in situations like this- they made him kind of uncomfortable, when all was said and done. At least Milliardo wasn't a dreaded female, though. Thank god for small mercies.

 "So…" Wufei began hesitantly, at a loss for words. He didn't quite know what to say, but his curiosity refused to let him leave it. "What did the brainless git do now?"

 Milliardo actually blushed. NOW Wufei was intrigued.

 "I… he…" Zechs stuttered. Wufei scrunched up his nose in confusion at the inarticulacy. Zechs was normally so eloquent, so… His eyes widened as the apparent realisation struck. He grinned slyly.

 "Oh, is _that _the way it is, hm?" the Chinese pilot purred. Milliardo blush worsened.

 "No! That's the problem, he-" Zechs caught up to what he was saying and groaned. "I hate you."

 Wufei frowned slightly, thinking over what Milli had just let slip. "Wait. You mean that you like Treize? As in, _like_ like?"

 Zechs whimpered and hid his face in the pillow again, clapping his hands over his ears for good measure. Wufei began to feel absurdly like a teenage girl at some sort of stupid social event or something. He sighed. The injustice of it all.

 "So where exactly is the problem? You like him. Big deal. I mean, he's obviously gay."

 Milliardo peeked through his bangs warily. "Obviously?"

 Wufei waved a hand dismissively. "Think about it. He has a good dress sense, he's elegant, he's tidy, he cares about his appearance, he's polite, he's honourable, and he's obsessed with roses. He must be gay. No self-respecting straight man could be that… that… that gay."

 Zechs tilted his head dubiously. "I _suppose. _But he's a widow. And he has a daughter. Besides, half those things apply to you. Especially the honour bit. Doesn't that make you gay by definition?"

 "Well, when you think about it, Treize is actually rather cu- _NO!"_

 Milliardo wore an expression that practically _screamed _'you just keep on deluding yourself.'

 "Anyway," Wufei went on hastily. "I still don't see where the trouble is."

 "My _trouble _is that Treize is a bloody _idiot _who wouldn't see a crush if it bit him on the goddamn nose! Adding to that, he's gone and formed an infatuation with you!" Milli wailed. As Wufei's eyes widened with horror, Zechs slapped himself in the forehead. "Shit. Me and my big mouth."

 "_INJUSTICE!"_

The scream echoed throughout the whole kingdom.

Zechs turns out to be a tad bratty in this. And there is just a hint of OOC ness about it all. At one point Wuffie was all but morphing into Duo. O_o; Oh, well. All in the name of humour, I guess.

Next time: The storm! Progressively from Duo, Trowa and Quatre's perspectives! Don't know who first, though.

Please review! Please? *does anime shiny eyes thing*


	5. This seawater is really starting to get ...

Well, this is the storm from both Duo and Quatre's perspectives. I was going to do Trowa's in the same chapter, but then I decided that it would make it too long and it would take too long to write. (Well, I wrote it in about an hour last night, but it WAS late. Like 2-ish.) Plus it wouldn't really fit. So, as per usual-

Bee: Yeah, having a fishtail would TOTALLY suck. I've never really thought about it before I wrote this story, but all those merpeople suffering… O_o; I'm so sadistic. I even feel sorry for them!

Diane: I'm glad you approve. ^ ^ Because this IS a completely unbelievable but humorous parody, I feel the right to nudge people just a little into the realms of OOC. Plus, it would really and truly suck for Zechs. Seriously. I mean, after Gods know how long of trying to get through to Treize's thick skull, this has to happen. It would so be the last straw, don't you think? Anyway, I love hair and you just can't help but notice the hair of those three… *drool* Zechs is so gorgeous. Whichever way, I'm thinking of doing something about the King/Prince thing. After all, they aren't REALLY related. And trust me. My version is so deviant that Hans Christian wouldn't recognise the end with glasses. *evil grin*

Ariliana: Yay, the eyes have caught another victim! *cheers mercilessly* And thanks for your suggestion. I decided to do so. 

Kracken 1.w: Eep! Not the brand, anything but that! ^ ^

QuatreGael: Hooray, I've made someone's day bright! I feel truly happy now. Hopefully you'll like this bit. ^ ^

Tsuzuku no Tenshi: Don't worry bout it, I'm a lazy sod who only just updated anyway. And is Milli lovely? I think he is. Duo and Quatre have been brought back for this part, and Heero should be popping in in about 2 or 3 parts now. Oh, and the name "Drowned Hair Swishy Dude" now has some truth to it. *sweatdrop*

RALLY HO~!

Duo had carried through with his evil plan to spy on the party for his own twisted amusement, and was now paying for it in spades. You don't realise how incredibly hard it is to remain fixed to one of those tiny porthole windows when the ship keeps tossing around in the sea. Duo had lost _count _of the times he'd smashed painfully into the side of the boat.

 However, it wasn't all bad. For one thing, he'd managed to satiate his own sad voyeuristic urges by laughing at the suffering and stupidity of various idiotic aristocrats. Secondly, he'd located Trowa and Quatre. Brilliant.

 As much as Duo wished misery upon Heero and to a lesser extent Heero, he truly sympathised with poor Quatre. The little angel hadn't done anything except inform him that sex was most likely impossible, and whilst being highly irritating, that hardly warranted the kind of revenge that Duo served out. In fact, he actually pitied the Arabian boy. Quatre just looked so… depressed.

 Duo had a shrewd suspicion about Quatre's role in the piece. Only the two main parts had been revealed beforehand, but the fact that Quatre was on the boat with Trowa was, to Duo, a dead giveaway. He had no idea where Heero was, though. He hoped that it was suitably degrading.

 When he began to think about the characters in the Little Mermaid, Duo mentally began to track the story. While their playing the characters was guaranteed to change things somewhat, it would still provide a basic guideline to what was going to happen next. As far as Duo could recall, they had a storm to look forward to.

 Oh, goody.

 Now that he thought about it, the sea was looking a bit dangerous. Grey, churning, rather violent and other such adjectives sprang to mind. The clouds were looking quite dark, too. Actually, pitch black was probably a better way to describe it. There was that ominous rumbling noise, too, the one that usually signifies the start of rain-

 Great, now it was pouring. Duo and his big mou- mind. The rain was coming down so hard he practically couldn't breathe, and his hair was plastered to his head. Absolutely wonderful- not only was it salty, disgusting and hideously tangled, his fringe was now stuck in front of his eyes and making him look like a demented sheepdog. Duo _so _did not love his life right now. Wherever Heero was, Duo spitefully wished that he was being afflicted by the same down-pour. Fat chance, though.

 During this whole time, Duo had completely failed to notice the fact that he and the ship were being separated by the increasingly enormous waves. He stared at the tossing vessel blankly for a few seconds, then yelped in sudden remembrance.

 "Shit! I'm supposed to rescue Trowa!"

 Duo attempted to dive under again, but was thrown back by a massive wall of water. He went to try once more, but he just kept getting pushed further backwards. Adding to his problems, his hair had got caught round his arm and he couldn't move without feeling like his scalp was being torn apart.

 "Ow ow ow ow FUCK!" Duo screeched loudly. The ship had been reduced to matchsticks, and he obviously was _not _going to make it in time. Hell! If Trowa died, it would be all his fault!

 Quatre fought the wave of nausea that rolled over him as the ship began to jerk roughly in the roiling sea. He could barely keep hold of the contents of his stomach, let alone stay upright. The ship was breaking to pieces, and he'd had to hold himself back from screaming when Trowa got bashed in the head by a loose wooden beam, successfully knocking the silent prince out for at least the next hour from the looks of it. Quatre had been trying to reach him for the past few minutes, but all the brainless nobles were panicking and milling around like lost sheep. Not to mention the fact that he was clutching his middle in a desperate attempt to prevent himself from hurling. Crawling along the rough floor and feeling pathetic, he slowly made his way in the right direction, flinching every so often when he almost got trampled. God, he felt like he was going to throw up. If his head was pounding he would have suspected his drink had been spiked, but no- it was just seasickness. Urg.

 Retching as the ground yet again disappeared out from under him with no warning, Quatre whimpered and crumpled. This was awful! If Quatre had his way, he would _never _go on a ship again, ever! Worst of all, Trowa was still about a meter away and there was this awful groaning noise from below. Quatre felt that terrible sinking feeling at the sound, and wondered if the boat was about to fall apart.

 No sooner had he thought it than did the creaking start, the boat literally being torn to pieces. Uneven chunks of wood and debris were flying everywhere, and the shrieks were deafening. Quatre knew that if he allowed himself to give in to the fear he would be paralysed and incapable of any useful movement, so he ignored the gravity of the situation and focused on Trowa. He had to get there before the ship was destroyed.

 Quatre had just grabbed the prone pilot's wrist with one hand and a support beam with another and was dragging himself closer when there all of a sudden there was nothing beneath him. Oh, it sounded cliché, but there was no other way to describe it. One minute there were not-so-solid wooden planks beneath him, and the next he was falling. The falling was fine, until it came to an end- Quatre was still gripping Trowa's wrist like a lifeline. After the fall came the crash, and that was when the real pain kicked in. The jagged splinters tore into his arm, ripping the flesh and sending a roar of throbbing agony in chills throughout his body. The blood was running all over him, and it was all he could do not to let go. His cheeks were damp with salty tears and his limbs were starting to go numb, but whatever happened, he refused to let go. If he did, he'd probably not be able to find Trowa again and the stoic boy could quite possibly drown.

 Quatre was _not _going to let that happen.

 At that precise moment the water came rushing in, a great flood of incredibly powerful and life-threatening proportions. It would be so easy to drown, to be swept away by the currents, be slammed into one of the disintegrating walls and run out of energy, to just give up and let the water fill his lungs, but there was no way Quatre was going to let that happen. He had no death wish and was willing to fight for his life, but more to the point, there was no way in _hell _that he would let Trowa die due to his stupidity. He was going to get them both out of this, preferably unharmed.

 It didn't occur to Quatre at any time that Duo was meant to be the one doing the rescuing, and all things taken into consideration, it was just as well. Duo was otherwise occupied, and had Quatre not taken matters into his own hands, things could have very likely become messy. Although, that was an interesting point- could they have been assigned to their roles precisely _because _it was known how each would react? Was this all set up so things would have to reach a certain outcome? It was a blood freezing kind of though, but luckily Quatre was too distracted to think it.

 The water was cold, Quatre couldn't feel his legs and he kept getting smashed into unfortunately solid objects, but still he kept on going. Finding a loose piece of driftwood he latched onto it and hauled Trowa on top, vaguely hoping that neither of them would contract anything nasty like pneumonia. People didn't get sick in faerie tales, did they? _Did they?_

 Quatre didn't have all that much left to give, but he did what he could to keep Trowa and himself afloat, and eventually the torrid storm died down. Quatre was totally exhausted and Trowa was still unconscious, so Quatre decided they could just drift to shore. Hopefully.

 When they did finally reach real land, Quatre was almost too tired to notice or even care. Using the last reserves of his strength, he pulled Trowa up on to the sandy beach and collapsed, coughing up what felt like gallons of salty seawater. Not only did his lungs burn, but it tasted disgusting, too. Life pretty much sucked right now.

 Gasping for much-needed oxygen, Quatre let his eyelids slide shut and began to sink into a deep and overdue sleep. His last conscious thought acknowledged that Duo was indeed correct- salt water _did _mess up your hair.

Huzzah. Okiday, the next bit is 'Trowa wakes up'. For EVERYONE, Heero will be here soon. I promise. ^ ^; Till next time! Oh, and please don't forget to review! Please? *sweet smile*


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